Q&A: This American Life

I finally set up the Web site where we'll be posting the students' questions about the finer points of American culture (and let me just warn you now, the questions run the gamut from 'What do you think of the current global financial crisis?' to 'Do you think Michael Jackson is really dead?').

I've posted about a dozen questions already, with many more to come. So if you don't see any interesting questions this time around, never fear, we're slowly working our way through my 200+ students.

There are a couple of questions that I'm hoping to get several responses to, so I can put together a little presentation. There's a question about what Western weddings are like (and I can think of, oh, at least half a dozen of you who have recent experience in that department), so both photos and a description would be great. There's also a question about Chinatowns in the U.S. -- again, photos would be fantastic, in addition to a video response.

A huge thanks to all of you who volunteered to help ... and to those who didn't, don't worry, I'm assuming you're just so excited about the prospect of participating, you're at a loss for words.

You can record your response directly on Facebook and send it to me, or you can email it to me.

Thanks again! They're all very excited to hear from you.

Have a look at where I live

Then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

Did you know that Buddha was married? Before he jilted his wife and child (named Rahula, which means "fetter" ... and not in an affectionate way) to get his spiritually enlightened, venerated-by-millions-throughout- the-ages freak on. Much like the Odyssey's poor, neglected Penelope**, the whole spousal abandonment aspect apparently gets in the way of an otherwise rousing tale, so it doesn't get a lot of ink.

Yeah, so I'm taking a class on feminism in Buddhism with the women at Sh*m. Fascinating stuff. And after spending most of my week correcting sentences like "Does the America have the more delicious KFC as Chinese?", it's a somewhat startling relief to hear earnest discussions about how androcentric histories inform modern life.

If I wasn't completely in love with these girls before, I certainly am now. These are girls who have been continually told by everyone they've been raised to respect (their parents, their older brothers, the monks) that women should be quiet and unassuming and leave the decision making to the menfolk. And they're not just leaving their villages to pursue higher education -- already enough of an affront -- they're also going back to those villages, facing down the criticism and trying to get the people to accept their help and leadership. Some of them, especially the younger ones, are so shy it seems actually painful for them to speak, even in a group of their own peers, but they're choosing this path anyway.

Which, in an only mildly related tangent, brings me to what I have decided is the current greatest threat to the next generation of young American women: the Twilight series. You know the one, that paean to patriarchy and the helpless-female genre, that ode to abusive teenage relationships, that celebration of the notion that a century of feminists got it wrong after all, and women really should give up everything (from their friends to their actual humanity) for their man.

(Alright, so I read them. Don't you judge me. It's been a long few months without any mindless television to take the edge off, and I had a few weak moments ... And anyway, I'm not saying every last book should be burned, just that they should be a controlled substance. Like alcohol. No killing off the impressionable brain cells of anyone under 21.)

Anyway, I recently ran across this video, which should be required viewing for anybody who reads the books:


** Except for in Margaret Atwood's totally worthwhile "Penelopiad," which retells the story from her perspective.

The Chinese Obama, plus other notes & errata

* Finally got a student named Obama. Been waiting for that one. Every time I call on him, the entire class erupts into laughter; it probably doesn't help that I can't quite keep a straight face myself. (You'll all be happy to know that my streak of popularity with the Chinese boys continues; under 'other comments,' Obama wrote: 'I love you.' Where, oh where, is this famed Chinese indirectness I've heard so much about?)

* Lesson learned: When you roll out of bed early on a Sunday morning and discover there is no coffee in the house, and think to yourself, I will just dash across to that corner market less than 100 yards away, and decide not to change out of you polka-dotted polar bear pajamas because, really, who would be up that early anyway, there will always, always be a group of your students inexplicably loitering near your front door.

* Didn't think there could be a moment more grim and disheartening than when a class of overly sugarfied 6-year-olds realizes that nothing comes after 3. As in, 'If you're not sitting down quietly by the time I count to 3 ..."
All it takes is one kid to catch on to the fact that you are relying solely on some nebulous implied threat that will never materialize (at least, not once you have dismissed corporal punishment as an option -- not that you ever considered it; not seriously, anyway; and even if you did, it was only for, like, a fraction of a second), for the whole cabal of kids - who already hover on the fine edge of mob mentality on their best days - to slide into utter chaos, scoffing in the face of your last-ditch appeals to sanity and reason.
Turns out, there is a moment even bleaker: When a class of 60 adults in their mid-20s does the same thing.

* When asked what he wanted to learn more about in my class, Sailor said: 'American cowboys and Colt .45s." He mentioned his passion for Colt .45s three times. Not sure how to break it to him that the West was won a long time ago, and there aren't many places left where the deer and the buffalo roam.

* Just realized that my laptop lid, which has been staring my students directly in the face for the last few weeks, has a prominently placed sticker proudly advertising "Stitches for Bitches" (one of my favorite stores in Oakland). Really hoping that their extremely limited vocabulary is working in my favor for once.

The Chinese government is making it rain

So, we were at dinner the other day (the famous "hot pot," which involves throwing various raw meats and vegetables into a boiling pot in the middle of the table, and then hoping that whatever you fish out is cooked enough to avoid food poisoning), when someone mentioned that all the unseasonable rain that Xining has been having is the fault of the Chinese government.

No, really, they insisted. The Chinese government can make it rain. They have special technology.

I just got around to Googling that, and goddammit if it isn't true. Apparently -- and I suppose not surprisingly, since "government control" is China's middle name and why should a little thing like the weather be exempt? -- they fire rockets into the air filled with a chemical that basically creates rain. (And who doesn't love a little chemical-laced rain?! Good for the crops, and helps the kids grow up big and strong ...)

Not sure why, but this strikes terror into my heart.

Notes from the classroom

<--- Look at me, being all teacher-y!

Finished my first week of classes, and if I never hear the words "lesson plan" again, it will be far, far too soon. I've also decided that the answer to all future questions about the finer points of grammar is: "Because that's the way we do it in America. That's why." (Kidding. I think.)


Some highlights from the week:

• After the students introduce themselves, I have them guess things about me. I was told frequently that I must be from France (Oh! The bitter irony. Is there a people more disagreeable than those baguette-lovers? And my students aren't the only ones: Several taxi drivers have guessed that I hail from that wasteland of goodwill and civility. I think I've got to stop wearing scarves. And no, I don't still bear a grudge for my shabby treatment after being robbed of all my worldly possessions at a Paris train station 12 years ago. Why do you ask?), that I seem like an admirer of romantic movies like Gone with the Wind, and that while I strike them as lamentably unmarried, they are sure that I have a very handsome boyfriend.

• Most of the students have English names that they are either given, or pick themselves. Among my favorites: Water, Lincoln (after the 'very great American president'), and ABC.

• I gave the kids a survey to find out more about their English level (and to avoid having to do real work). Under 'what job do you want when you graduate,' one student put "the rich man." Another, slightly less optimistic student put: "Resign oneself to god's fate."
  

• Under "other comments," a number of students offered to go shopping with me. I'm not sure whether to take that as a gesture of friendship, or an indirect commentary on my wardrobe. (I swear I was dressed appropriately, Mom. I brushed my hair, and everything.)

• And finally, there was "Carl," who wrote: "i like your pronounces. besides you are beautiful." It's too early to say for sure, of course, but I have a feeling Carl is going to ace this course.

Summer vacation is over

None of the students brought me an apple on my first day as a teacher - but they did bring me a watermelon. (OK, a couple of slices of watermelon. But still.)

Whose bright idea was it to put me in charge of some 200 college students?

On the bright side, whenever I walk into the room, they all leap to their feet and say in unison: "Good morning, Teacher." (My name is just so mystifying to them that they won't even attempt it. In fact, the best that anyone can do here is "Bah-rue-kah.") On the slightly dimmer side, they are not big voluntary participators. I thought bringing up good ol' Yao Ming might spark a little oratory passion, but the best I got was: "He is very tall" and "It is too bad he is married."

Which I guess is better than what happened in Beth's (apparently more sophisticated) class: One of the girls really wanted to know, is it true that American college students have lots of one-night stands, and if so, how do their families feel about that? I believe she is still working on formulating a response to that one.

I finally met with the Tib*tan women's group that I will be working with. They are really amazing women, handpicked from a special class at the University to be part of this group. While they are learning to write grant proposals and implement development projects back in their home villages, they are simultaneously going through a gender studies course that helps them deal with the barriers that they run into because they are women.

The first thing they did when I met them was wrap a khata, a white scarf, around my neck as a symbol of respect and goodwill. Then they gave me a nice long list of things that need to be accomplished, preferably by yesterday.

So in addition to my five University classes, I am teaching two more classes for Sh*m, participating in the gender studies discussion groups, holding office hours twice a week at Sh*m, revamping their Web site, editing proposals, teaching 6-year-olds on the weekends, and taking my own classes to learn Chinese.

Ah, I miss the good old days when I worked a mere 10-12 hours a day.